The Dating Game
With an increasing number of forty-somethings entering into their 5th decade of life looking for new partners to share the next 40 or so years with, it seems appropriate to look at how the rules have changed since we were twenty-somethings. When once upon a time you might have met your significant other through friends, school, a party, at the local pub or even through work, before we had things like mortgages and children, in 2017 it appears our choices are plenty of online apps promising to electronically and harmoniously match us with our lobster.
James Preece has over a decade worth of insight and experience being on both sides of the dating experience, be that the dater or the one supporting and coaching those wanting to find that special someone. He has worked with and alongside dating companies, including speed dating, running events and teaching people how to begin dating again.
What is dating coaching?
James helps single professionals navigate the very difficult path of finding love through the quagmire of overwhelming options, such as the plethora of apps which are easily accessible in the app store on your phone. Events and matchmakers, as well as online sites, provide a minefield of information, often misguided information at that. Therefore James provides his clients with a plan which they stick to, which he reports to provide very successful results.
1. Dating should be fun and natural.It appears that people have missed that memo and
dampened down their natural flirting techniques, therefore James attempts to inject some fun back into the process for people, getting them to remember the joy in meeting someone.
2. Avoid free sites: If something is worth having, it’s worth investing some outlay into it. After all, aren’t you worth getting it right? James recommends EHarmony, Guardian Soulmates and Love Struck. For over 40’s he recommends Love and Friends which sometimes put on singles’ events. Word of mouth appears just as important in this process, therefore, he also advocates going with a site that has been recommended and that you’ve heard of. The more members the better. Trial a site before paying and if you’re happy, commit to a payment.
3. Profile Images: 4 pictures are ample.
Image 1 – A natural picture, if you can or ask a friend to take one of you on your phone.
Image 2 – A headshot. Look friendly and approachable. Friendliness means fun.
Image 3 – A full body shot, showing your body type. The reality is, when you go on the date you’re going to see one another anyway, so don’t be shy. All sorts of people like all sorts of “types”.
Image 4 – The final picture is “the hook”. This should be a talking point, an icebreaker if you will. It can be as trivial as you like such as holding a pet or an action shot. If you have a particular hobby that you enjoy, then show it. Why not show someone that you enjoy life and have interests.
4.The main profile: Introduce yourself. Say hello.
This isn’t an application to be our next Prime Minister, so relax and talk as you would to a friend. Who are you and what makes you special and why would someone want to date you? Then speak to them directly about what you are looking for in your date. For example, avoid saying things like “he will be fun and outgoing with an athletic physique”. Instead, say “you are fun and outgoing and you have an athletic build”. See the difference? You speak to him not at him. End with a statement or question such as “if you like what you’ve read then please get in touch” or “I’ve not long lived in the area, can you recommend somewhere good for a coffee?” Avoid generic. Don’t just state something, discuss it. For example, you like being outdoors….. Well, that’s just great…. But what is it about being outdoors that you like so much? Capture their
attention and interest.
5.Taking it off text: As James says, you’re not pen pals.
Your ultimate aim is to meet and start dating, so what’s with all the texts? By the 3rd or 4th message, offer to exchange numbers, because you “have to run right now but would like to have a chat later on the phone”. If they resist, ask yourself why. If they don’t have a plausible reason, move on. Talking on the phone is a bit of a pre-date. You can hear voices and intonation. If you speak on the phone and you like what you hear, arrange to meet. Time allowing; make a date within a few days. Why wait?
6. It’s all in the timing: If someone messages you, don’t make them sweat it out for a response.
Not only is it game playing, but quite honestly, the next person he says “hi” to will be all too happy to respond faster and probably engage him in conversation and have arranged a date before you exhaust your “3-day rule”. Same applies to after the date. If he isn’t for you, by all means, send him a polite text stating that it was lovely to meet him, but that you’re not sure you are compatible romantically. If he doesn’t like what you say then BLOCK BLOCK BLOCK!
7. Sex!: Bottom line is it happens when you are happy for it to happen.
However, the first date is rarely advisable. Date, flirt and HAVE FUN dating and flirting. Maybe as a measure, consider the 3rd or 4th date as an appropriate length of time to wait. Longer if necessary. It’s not a sprint ladies. There is something to be said for a little charm and a lot of mystery.
8.What men WANT!(Directly from www.jamespreece.com) :
•Appearance: It takes all types so own what you have and be confident with it.
•Independence: Needy women never find a healthy relationship. Know who you are.
•Femininity: Men want a woman who respects herself totally and understands her role in the relationship.
•Communication: Be able to discuss issues respectfully, rationally and with empathy. Men do not like unbalanced women.
•Fun and spontaneity: Men enjoy women who are game for adventure. Be willing to go with the flow.
When all is said and done, when you reach a certain age, the hope is that you have a much better idea of what you want and how to get it. Have faith that you’ve faced life with all its ups and downs and guess what….. You’ve survived!!
How hard could it be to take a few nice photos of yourself, write a few sentences about your positive attributes and for goodness sake, SMILE!!!!
Best of luck ladies. Wishing you happiness and love.
For more information on Dating Coaching follow the link: www.jamespreece.com
Read more articles from our resident journalist Alex Sullivan here: https://www.mamalifemagazine.co.uk/?s=ALEX+SULLIVAN