I remember looking down the aisle and watching my beautiful best friend Sarah glide down the aisle so gracefully. She looked so stunning …
We all enjoyed the rest of the wedding day and evening and we partied into the early hours. I was keen to see the wedding photos after they had returned from their honeymoon.I sat with Sarah, sharing her joy at the memories while looking through the photos of that amazing day. I flicked through to the next photo and who was that in the picture …it was ME!! I tried to keep a happy smile on my face but deep inside I wanted to burst out crying.
What did I look like? How did I get to that size?
Why had no one said anything to me about my weight?
Why did my family not tell me how I looked?
How did this happen?
All of these questions were whirling through my mind at breakneck speed while I pretended to be happy and share in Sarah’s excitement.
‘I wanted to be that beautiful bride,’ I thought, but I was dying of embarrassment inside. I wanted to run – run away and hide from the world. I looked hideous.
I kept all those thoughts and feelings to myself. I remember feeling so alone; I went home and cried and cried. I woke the next morning and I knew I had to do something about this, but how? Where would I start? I searched for a local diet class but I was terrified. I couldn’t get on the scales. It would be mortifying to let someone see my weight. I went the following Monday; there was no turning back now. It was now or never and I wanted my son to be proud of his mummy, not ashamed.
I registered and stood in the line, dreading to get on those scales. ‘Should I run now?’ passed through my mind a thousand times. But, there I was, at the front of the queue…here I go…
‘Hello,’ said Nicky. ‘Oh shit,’ I thought. Before I stood on the scales, I heard myself apologising. ‘I’m so sorry, I’m sorry for what I weigh, it must be a lot,’ I said.
Her words were so reassuring. ‘Don’t ever apologise for what you are, Natasha, this is just the start. You’re not the only one and you won’t be the last and I’m here with you on your journey. I’m here to help.’ Nicky lived up to every word she said.
The next week, I went back, still full of the anxiety of what I would see when I stepped on those scales. I was so nervous for my first weigh-in. I stepped on the scales and sucked in all my breath.
‘Oh my days,’ said Nicky. ‘Natasha, well done! You have lost 7lb…bloody hell, 7lb in one week!’
I remember skipping up the hill on my way home, past the chippy and seeing some of the other members of the diet class queuing up having their weekly treat. I laughed to myself but I carried on.
‘I can do this,’ I thought to myself. Before I knew it, 3 weeks had passed and I had my first stone award. I was starting to take control. I was feeling so much better in myself. One day I would be that beautiful bride.
Follow Natasha’s weight-loss journey as she discovers an inner strength she thought she never had.
Read Natasha’s stories here https://www.mamalifemagazine.co.uk/author/natasha-inan/